Finally! God’s main
man, Pope Benedict XVI, has entered the 21st century by creating a Twitter
account. This is a much anticipated
event for fans of the Pope and God everywhere. Now the average person can catch up on the
Pope’s latest interests, thoughts, what he ate for breakfast, and many other
updates of the Pope’s life in the Vatican.
The Pope’s first tweet is scheduled on December 12 and many are
wondering just what it is he will tweet about.
Some suggest it will be a prayer, others hope it will be papal anecdote,
and a select few expect words from God himself, though there is speculation that, God Almighty would simply create his own twitter account, "Because He’s Almighty. Duh.”
According
to a rumor from a reliable source, the reason for such a wait on the Pope’s
first tweet is due to the intense technology training courses the Pope is
currently taking in order to become Twitter literate. In his 85 years of age, Pope Benedict XVI remembers
a time before computers and when the internet was invented he pooh poohed the
very idea, stating that “It would never catch on”. In his stubborn old age, the Pope has
actively avoided the internet and other modern
technologies, not because of his intense old school faith, but because as an 85
year old man technology is one of the top three most terrifying things next to
teenagers and ‘Rock’n’Roll’ music. The
Pope’s new Twitter account is a revolutionary step for doddering old men everywhere. This fad will completely change how
technology is viewed among the elderly and may create a new, older generation of
tech savvy senior citizens. This may, in turn, alter the demographic to which the world wide web caters to: Adds and pop-ups will no longer read, "You've just won 10,000 dollars" but instead say "Your grandchildren have just emailed you, click here to open!" The default font on every website will be size 30. And most importantly, the internet will slow to a Sunday drive crawl so as not to startle this new group of internet users.
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